i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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