Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
4 words: hood of his car
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
