Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
