did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
