Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
