so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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