I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
