Redeem this text for a blowjob
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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