I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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