I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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