My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
