Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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