he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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