he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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