just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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