I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
