my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
