I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
