It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I enjoy the company of your penis
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