weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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