in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
