I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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