Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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