if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
