oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just google imaged poop.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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