he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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