i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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