I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
