Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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