If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
