Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
