i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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