i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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