Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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