are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
