Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
