Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
