With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
