So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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