what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
