did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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