I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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