He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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