I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
