we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
