Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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