If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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