Someone shit on the floor
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
