yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
