I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
