I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize