I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
