I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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