in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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