you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
