A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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