I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
