He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
