Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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