theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
