Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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