I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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