Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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