Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
