She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
