would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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