Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
