Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
