I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
