Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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