my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
