one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
