With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my being single is dangerous.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
