but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
