Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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