Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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