the new term for farting is butt boxing.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
