Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
