wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
